My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
