You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
