Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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