operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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