So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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