Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I would ride that face into the sunset
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
