I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
