you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
