S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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