i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
