Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
