your thong is hanging out like whoa
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
