My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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