fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
third nipple confirmed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
