Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
