My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
