Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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