I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
