Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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