So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
