RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
