ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
