Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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