with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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