She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Randomize
