i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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