Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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