i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
