I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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