guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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