Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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