I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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