I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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