walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
