I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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