It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
