booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
