you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
