I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
