It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
