So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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