4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
