that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
