she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
