I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
