She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
