its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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