So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
