Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
