So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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