before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
